Blood Money, Vol. 23
Byon Jun 12, 2012
This week things are a little bit quiet as we’re preparing the latest installment of Blood Money: I’m not going to say we were excited about seeing Prometheus, but after watching it and being, let’s say, disappointed, we went out and killed a hobo to make ourselves feel better.
In any case, the only new theatrical release that’s remotely horror-oriented is The Tortured, starring Jesse Metcalfe and Erika Christensen, about two young parents who decide to exact revenge on the man who abducted and killed their son. Some of you older readers might remember when Christensen was the antagonist – a teenager, no less – in Swimfan – so it’s with a slightly heavy heart that we accept her as a grown-up with, like, a kid and everything. (Especially since we’re so immature still.) Nevertheless, it co-stars Bill Moseley, who never saw a villain part he could turn down, so there should at least be something deliciously evil about the film’s bad guy – even if (and this is to the film’s detriment) he probably never harasses anybody via dial-up internet service.
On Blu-ray, there are several titles worth checking out, starting with Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance. Neveldine and Taylor bring their trademark insanity to this sequel, which in our humble opinion gets at least as much right as it does wrong, but truth be told it’s probably not a good movie. Nevertheless, the 3D is actually pretty good, making it a worthy addition to 3D TV owners’ collections, even if they probably won’t choose it often over something like Hugo (or even Piranha 3D, for that matter).
Jess Franco returns to the world of home video – not that we could ever get rid of him – with Countess Perverse, a new film in which a woman hunts men on a remote island and then serves them to her guests. As per usual, the dime budget is mostly compensated for by Franco’s inventive exploitativeness, and there’s plenty of flesh to go around. The disc also comes with a bounty of bonus materials, which is probably more than the movie deserves, but at least you’re getting your money’s worth.
On the other hand, there’s Don’t Go in the Woods, quite honestly one of the worst movies – horror or no – that I have ever seen. Directed by Vincent D’Onofrio, it’s a truly abysmal slasher movie about a group of douchebag musicians who venture into the woods only to get picked off by an axe-wielding murderer. I feel compelled to make it absolutely clear that this is not so bad it’s good, it’s totally, unredeemably bad; but if for some reason you feel like you want your movie-watching experience to feel like actual torture porn, then this might be the selection for you.
We covered Monster Brawl a few weeks ago, or so it seems, but the film’s debut on DVD and Blu-ray makes it worth a mention. Heralded (by its producers, of course) as a horror-comedy classic, it’s a pretty literal mash-up of different movie monsters as they square off against one another, with actors like Dave Foley and Lance Henriksen in tow to keep the proceedings from ever threatening to become remotely serious. On the other hand, there’s Rift, a film about a college student who decides to investigate mysterious goings-on in her hometown, only to uncover a spiraling web of satanic ritual, murder, and other nefarious misdoings that probably should have been left unearthed – well, at least if we didn’t want the movie to exist. Honestly, of the two, this one looks infinitely more interesting, although its formulaic story more or less eliminates any sense that what the audience will get is anything genuinely interesting or provocative.
Finally, the Prometheus soundtrack arrives on CD this week, and no matter what we thought of the rest of the film, we really, really liked the score, which is by longtime Ridley Scott collaborator Marc Streitenfeld. Suitably sweeping and for the most part genuinely evocative of the enormity of the story it’s meant to accompany, this is a score absolutely worth, uh, scoring, even if you feel like what it lacked was a film that was equally worthy. Nevertheless, all of these – or even just a couple of them – should keep you occupied for weeks to come, or at the very least, until next week. Stay scared!